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The Prodigal Son Journey of the Soul

We have three characters in the story. The Old Man, or Father, is an enigmatic and distant figure in the first part of the story.  He says nothing, and even appears to have taken leave of his senses.  But he is also the figure of Wisdom and experience.

The Younger Son is an impetuous, impatient, restless and irresponsible figure.  He is bored. He chaffs under the authority of his Father and the routine of running the estate.  He longs for excitement, change, and experience.

The Older Son has not appeared on the scene yet.  He is too busy being the Obedient Son.  He is careful, calculating and fearful.  He has never risked anything in his life.

Finally, the Younger Son can bear his situation no more . One day he demands, not asks, his share of the estate.  His demand was similar to saying to his Father "I wish you were dead." We are not even given a clue as to the father's reactions to his Son's hurtful words and attitude.  He says nothing.

We might pause here for a moment and ask ourselves why the Father is so silent and compliant.  Has he slipped into senility?  Is he merely overindulgent with his sons?  Has he spoiled them?  Why does he not argue or attempt to dissuade his son? Why does he not forbid him to leave, deny him the money?

This is an example of one of the mysteries of life - the freedom not only to choose, but to learn one's own lessons, and beyond that, to achieve enlightenment or awareness of God through our experience.  Perhaps this is one of the reasons Jesus warns us not to judge others: most of the time we are wrong, because we do not understand on a deeper level what is taking place in the life of another.

The son is going to be allowed to discover himself - who he really is - and reclaim his identity on a deeper level.  There is a great difference between knowledge and wisdom - and the son is going to gain the latter.  There are times we have to leave home in order to return to it; forget who we are in order to discover who we are.  The advice and experiences of others mean little to us because they do not belong to us.  In claiming our own experience and wisdom, there is a degree of risk taking.  This is frightening, for we feel as if we will be left with nothing.  Moving beyond the fear of losing or making a mistake is an essential part of spiritual growth.  The Father in his wisdom knows that nothing he could say or do would dissuade the son from his course of action, and even if he were to prevent his departure, he would be present in body but not in heart and spirit. He lets him go with perhaps some sadness, maybe with a little amusement, remembering himself as a young son long ago.

For a while all seems a sea of delights.  He is far from home, he has money, and he is under no authority.  He can do anything he wants, indulge every whim or desire.  As time goes by, his memory of home fades.  His awareness of who he is, of his status as the younger son, withers and disappears.  He has taken on a false identity and persona of his own creation, and for the moment he believes that to be who he really is.

Perhaps we have begun our lives with very high ideals and plans for how we wanted to live our lives and the difference we want to make.  Maybe we even had a clear idea of who we are and our relationship with God. Tragically, that often begins to wane as we take on the persona and identity given to us by culture and society. We can be beguiled into identifying ourselves by what we have and what we do rather than who we are.  Often we are told what it means to be a good and successful person, and the long parade of compromises begins. They don't seem serious at first, but each one prepares the way for the next.

The young man's life probably would have continued on this path if there had not been the hand of God in the form of adversity.  So often we think of adversity or struggle as something negative (confusing painful with negative) not realizing that these events in our lives are the stepping stones that carry us home our Father's house.

His money begins to run out - and his friends begin to melt away.  Soon he finds himself on the street, alone and friendless.  Famine makes his condition even more desperate. But he has not hit bottom yet.  That moment comes when he finds himself working for a gentile boss feeding the pigs - humiliation indeed for a Jew.  In his despair he longs even to eat the food of the pigs, but dares not even take that.  He is at the bottom; he is a failure; he is desperate; he is broken.  And this moment is the moment of salvation, for his falseness, pride, and alien persona have been destroyed.

In his misery, he suddenly remembers that he had a home - a now it doesn't seem so bad. He was taken care of, provided for - even the hired hands in his father's house had it better than he did now.  His realization tells him that this misery is unnecessary it doesn't have to continue.  This is what is known in some circles as "hitting bottom."  It sometimes is the only thing that will awaken us - a well-administered shock.  It can take the form of personal misfortune, losing a job, a divorce, trouble with the law, any way in fact that our life crumbles around us.  This can be painful to be sure, but not necessarily negative if it serves its purpose.

He now dares to hope - I will return to my father's house!  But guilt and shame have taken their toll.  He cannot even hope that his status as son is intact - after all, he renounced it when he left home.  So he plans to be taken on in a second-class capacity as one of the hired hands. He now rehearses his self-punishing and degrading speech.  I'm no good.  I'm not worthy.  I've sinned.  Punish me, but please allow me to at least come home.  And so he starts for home.

We now switch to the estate where the old man waits.  He looks up and sees the son coming in the distance.  He should have sat glowering in his stern patriarchal dignity and made the young man squirm and sweat.  That is what I would have done.  That is why I am not the old man in the story.  But the old man makes a fool of himself.  Throwing dignity to the wind he runs down to meet the young son, who begins his little well-rehearsed speech about his own unworthiness.  But the old man is not into punishment or groveling; in fact, he doesn't even allow the son to finish the speech.  He cuts him off, and places a ring on his finger and cloaks him in a fine robe to honor him.  It is not enough to welcome him home, he also has to honor him, as if he has done something meritorious.  In fact, he has . He has learned some very painful lessons, has grown immensely, and is now returning humbled and chastened.  The first words we hear from the father are those commanding that the fatted calf be killed and that there be a huge celebration in honor of the son's safe return.  A wonderfully happy ending, and the story could end here.  But it doesn't, for the most important part is yet to come.

We have not seen the elder son before now.  But now we see him stride purposefully back from the fields, exuding fidelity, duty and obedience.  There is a puzzled look on his face as he hears the music and laughter coming from the celebration.  Pulling one of the servants aside, he demands to know what is going on.  The servant replies in an off-hand manner, "Your younger brother is back safe and sound and the master is celebrating."  At this, the older son has a fit.  Years of pent-up anger erupt.  He makes a scene and refuses to enter and take part in the celebration.  He has been wronged.  Cheated.  Humiliated. The father pleads with him to share his joy.  This is a day for celebration, not anger.  But now begins the litany of grievances.  I have worked so hard.  I've slaved for years.  You don't appreciate me.  You have never even me a goat to kill and celebrate with my friends.  He was always your favorite. After all he has done, wasting your money on good times and debauchery, when he comes home you celebrate!  Anger . Tears. Disappointment.  You don't love me. This is the feeling that so many of us have.  We compare ourselves to others, and we feel as if we are the loser.  God is unjust.  Life is unjust.  I've worked so hard.  Others are so happy or have it so easy.  Bitterness, resentment and self pity are the deadliest of poisons.

But the old man says something puzzling.  You are always with me - everything I have is yours.  At this point we might wonder why he has not made this clearer to the older son.  It sounds like a huge case of miscommunication.  But that is the point of the whole story: why the elder son was unaware that everything belonged to him.  What kind of person was he? A person ruled by fear.  On the outside, he was the perfect son: dutiful, obedient, dedicated and competent.  But it was all a sham.  He lived in fear of losing - missing his chance.  All his actions were calculated and measured.  In fact, he had never taken a risk in his life.  He is like the worthless servant in the gospel story who buried the five talents entrusted to him by the master while the other two servants invested it and made money. He was afraid of losing - so he lost everything.

We have some strange ideas about sanctity and spirituality . It is not about keeping one's copy book clean.  It is about growing, learning and loving.  It is permissible - event advisable - to take some risks.  Put into action what we have learned and to try new things. This is not an invitation to recklessness or irresponsible behavior, but to at least engage life without fear and anxiety.

The elder son was unable to do that because he did not trust the old man, who of course represents God.  His fear has paralyzed him.  He does not comprehend what unconditional love means - and that is what the father has consistently showed: unwavering, unconditional love.

The elder son was a son, but he did not really feel or know that on a deeper level.  For him, being good and dutiful was important in the hopes that someday - after the father had died - he might receive his share of the inheritance.  The father's message was loud and clear: no need to wait!  The younger son wanted all of his and he squandered it, but in so doing really learned what that status means and was able to reclaim it.  He paid a price to be sure - pain, suffering and struggle.  The older son could have enjoyed the use of any of the family property at any time, but he was afraid.  In a sense, the younger son was a bit more advanced because he had some sense of the old man's love and he had a certain boldness about him.

All of this is not to suggest that one should rush out and have a wild disordered life merely in the hopes of learning some lessons.  Many learn in a less dramatic and painful way. But people being people, this will probably not be the case with many.  We begin life with good intentions, and then life itself gets in the way.  Forgetfulness descends on our minds.

We can commit the greatest sin of all when we refuse to search, question, and experience life.  We stand on shaky ground when we judge the life of another, for we do not know the nature or extent of their journey.  The inward journey is characterized by searching, wandering, and returning.  Wisdom is its fruit.

When we are created in God's image and likeness, it means that there is a divine imprint on our hearts and souls, an imprint that becomes smudged and layered over with the debris and dirt of human existence.  What does that imprint look like?  Feel like?  Picture that face of God within yourself.  Ask yourself: who am I?  Who am I REALLY?  I am certainly not the person only of my everyday existence - this person is diluted with so much falseness.  True conversion is the recognition of our true self.  When we realize that not only do we not have to continue a way of life opposed to God, but that it actually goes against who we really are, there can be a real desire to leave behind childish and false things and return to our Father's house, to be greeted with joy and a royal welcome.

Fr. Scott M. Lewis, S.J.

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